Our mind is the closest and most powerful thing to us,
but how well do we really know it ?
I've noticed over the past few weeks, my mind has not being led astray. What am I referring to? I'm thinking of the night's where I would have a sinking low feeling, where I am overwhelmed from being ill. Where I would be worrying about leaving my two ladies all alone. I just hope I'm not jinxing it here, but maybe I've cried away all my tears ? To be fair, I don't think for one second that these demons can't come back. Of course they can. I'm just in bed here (8pm) thanking my lucky stars I'm not here fretting with the tears rolling down my cheek.
The mind is an extremely important and complex machine. I've mentioned that here before. I can assure you that I am no expert but I can equally guarantee you that both you and me are the closest and most connected entity to our respectful physiological worlds. For me, the complexity of the grey matter drew a very clear picture some years ago when I was undergoing my helicopter flight training. It was a slightly overcast Wednesday morning in Weston Airport. I had just mastered the art of hovering the aircraft. Yes, this skillset just went from not being there the day before to being present and correct 24 hours later.
Here I was, beside a scenic lake on the County Kildare based airfield, 5 ft above the ground and stationary within the sky. The loud whirring of the rotors above my head, quiet literally beating the air into submission. My wrist and fingers on one hand giving ever so slight digital inputs to the cyclic control, my other arm was controlling the height, again with subtle inputs on the colllective while my attached wrist (on said arm) was controlling the engine rpm. Meanwhile both my feet were independently putting in tiny inputs on each pedal to control the direction / orientation of the aircraft while simultaneously, I was verbally communicating with air traffic control. THAT is when the penny dropped and I grasped the power of the human mind. 'Powerful' would be a complete understatement. After that fateful morning, going forward in life I knew this thing, my mind (and indeed the helicopter) both demanded and required a lot of future respect.
No demons for past two weeks.
Is the fact that my mind has been totally relaxed over the past 2 weeks a new strength
thing for me ? It's quiet possible. Is my mind just tired of retorting to that horrible place? It could be that too. Devine intervention? Yes, very possible. Myself and St. Pio have been and of course are in regular touch. My ongoing plea to this Angelic Legend has and is "Please, St. Pio, give me strength, I need it, that's all I want, please". Were my prayers answered? That indeed is quiet possible.
My next Toxic Tuesday is the forthcoming one. If I am going to have another one of my horrible and evil headspace episodes, it will happen on this watch. The main mission for me right now is to stay focussed on that beam of light I can see at the end of this tunnel I'm in. I'm yearning for it, wanting it and walking steadfastly towards it. The demons can (and do) cause me to trip along the way. When I do fall, I get up. If I can't get up on my own, I'm lucky to have a devoted wife (Alison), daughter Aoife and fantastic inlaws coupled with a small but dedicated close knit unit of friends that are right there by my side for me. Of course if I'm lucky, I get offered a very special hand from an Italian friar.
So watch out for that mind thing. It's a pretty powerful piece of kit we have sitting on our shoulders. Being a staunchly independent person, over the past few number of weeks I've being learning (and still am) that sometimes this grey matter can do with some help. There is nothing wrong with this. Infact I will go as far and suggest that we see this as a strength not a weakness. Strength? How ? Very simple. If it were a weakness, we wouldn't have the knowledge to go and ask for the help. Weakness would dictate we ignore it. Got me?
So please, do reach out with that hand. It will be grabbed immediately from you, trust me.
Thanks as always for reading my blog.
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