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Showing posts from 2017

Can tiredness get exhausted? My balloon is a HOT topic, a nice fundraiser is launched and my podcasts are looking for a friendly sponsor.

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I have always prided myself on being busy. Not saying always productive, but I have to be doing something, I just can't sit still. Some people see this as a positive. For me the jury is out on that one. You see, if I'm not physically busy, I still am mentally. Trying to get those cogs in the grey matter of mine to slow the f&ck down is next to near impossible. 
Oh wait, bring on my chemotherapy. Over the past few days, since my last infusion really, these drugs have welded the brakes ON with my mind and of course my body. Yes, I am sick, yes I am fighting one inoperable bastard that just refuses to let go, but the sudden onslaught on how quick I get this exhaustive feeling is frightening, if you let it be. The best way I can explain it, when good or normal in my books, it's akin to being out in the light, on a good day, perhaps even the sunshine, but then as I'm enjoying that warmth, the clouds blow in from nowhere, my body gets the chills, my brain gets sucked dry …

Ballooning, Bristol, Cancer, The Real BBC.

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From the launch field of the 2017  Bristol International Hot Air Balloon Fiesta. 

I'm just about properly rested from a 72 hour escape I pulled off which started at 4am last Thursday morning.  Under the guardianship of my close friend Sir Andrew of Blagdon, I took part in this fantastic Aerost├ítico experience. BBC Radio Bristol took an interest in my story, as such, host Martin Evans had a chat with me on the launchfield. Just click the link before to access it the interview:
Click here to access the BBC Radio Bristol interview.

I was just steeped in some luck that both my mind and body where in agreement to let me push a few boundaries and visit this event, but not just that, but to fly in it too. Over the past 24 hours, I published my very first podcast. Without having to reinvent the wheel, my inaugural podcast features in spoken terms what I would be scribing here, focusing on the serious fun and adventure that went on in Bristol. 
This being the case, I invite you to listen in on …

The Bells, the bells, wrecking my head.

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Bells and Cracks, both work for Murf.

It's been a longer duration than usual since my last blog. I must have been busy, I hear you say. Let me put my hand up and admit to doing little. Since my newly acquired blood clots in my lungs, I have secumbed to Doctors orders and have taken my foot off the accelerator. When I say 'foot' I am speaking in reality but also metaphorically too. My mind has also slowed down (just a little too). Side issues re pain and discomfort that my stomach has recently being experiencing have thankfully sub sided all because of this prescribed regime. I have a new medic on my Oncology Team, 'Dr Darko' so kudos to you Doc for (quiet literally) putting your hand on the pulse with regard to resolving these issues I have been having. This gentleman is the newest member of 'Murf's Medics' and he nailed it with his quick and very accurate diagnosis to my then tummy discomfort. I am of course busy taking my daily injections in the tummy,…

Chemo and Clots, both say hello.

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Yesterday, my weekly chemo day was going to start of with a difference. Over the past few days, I've had what's best described as an awkward discomfort in my tummy. Of course, it is so easy to jump to an inaccurate and self styled conclusion. Lucky I tend (in these situations) to follow my own advise. Que my mindfulness courses that I learn from the Gary Kelly Support Centre. On advising the team of this new discomfort, it immediately put a hold on my chemo and triggered a CT SCAN. The good news this week is that (in the Bon Secours Hospital at least) is that any CT SCANS I now go for, no longer require me drinking that dreadful contrasting dye. My scans can be successfully provided without this process, most helpful. However, I do understand, certain types of scans will still require this ordeal.
Back up from the SCAN and to my Oncology day unit, where I am placed on an IV fluids drip for 2 hours. Then one of the Dr's on my Oncology Team comes over and pulls the privacy cu…

If you build it, they will come.

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The title of this blog relies heavily on the storyline of that Kevin Costener hit movie, which was released in thenineties, 'Field of Dreams'. Last Thursday night (July 20th 2017), the Dunshaughlin Pastoral Centre was my field of dreams. Hard to explain and difficult to put into written words, but it was over the numerous prayers and chats that I have and continue to share with St. Pio that this crazy idea of my talk 'INSIDE OUT' was born. For the last 3 months, the idea of doing this was in the forefront of mind. Everytime I would pray or relate to St. Pio, the thought and detail of doing the talk I did last Thursday was conditioned to be forefront of my mind. As I said, this happened everytime I spent time with St. Pio. The thoughts and ideas shared with me were not going away. The really strange bit for me was that I readily accepted this, call it a proposal, but I know it was more than that. When I expressed how nerve wrecking this would be, I was told that the nerve…

A First Flight and emotions flew too.

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Last weekend had a definite aviation theme attached to it. With the weather gods shining, it was time for Trim Flying Club's annual Summer BBQ. Not to confuse things, but the club is now based at Weston Airport. So off Team Murf headed in the direction of Darby's Resteraunt, currently under the stewardship of one Mr. Paddy Ryan, a gentleman  whom I know for over 20 years, small world huh?
Cousin Brian and Rhys flew in from Navan airfield for the BBQ. As the afternoon drew to a close, the evening began to get a lot more exciting. You see, just as we were about to head home (full to the gills with Paddy's succulent steaks), Brian and Rhys hatched a plan. "Would Aoife like fly back to Navan'?


Aoife, taking off from Weston Airport  on her very first light flight in a light aircraft. (Piloted by Rhys Kellett & Brian Meegan). 
Well, I never saw excitement explode onto a little girls face as quick and as much as it did last Sunday evening at Weston Airport. From a safety …

Ups and downs but the rise and trot is A-OK.

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I need to have my DOWNS....  Why? Because without them the UPS would mean nothing. The last few days has seen me bounce around with new found strands of energy levels. The feeling of actually having energy, on tap et al, is a sensation I haven't felt for months.. and it's beautiful.


Aoife, on board Snowball, being ably assisted by Molly.

Roll on after lunch today, and whatever went thru my body, it decided to take the afternoon off. As is smart when this happens, listen to your body, It's having a chat with you. Well, it's grabbing my attention. There was a balance for me to check in with during this speed-wobble. I've just missed Aoife's first ever riding lesson at a local riding school.. DAM IT !! Equine Experience runs in the family with Aoife's Grandad Pat, a retired lifelong member of the Ward Union Staghounds, so I think 'no fear' appears to be the order of the day. A big thanks to Bea at Pelletstown Riding Centre and Aoife's instructor Elaine …

My Cancer: Horror, Hate or Help ?

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The 3 H's is what I have christened these. The title you have just read is set like multiple-choice answers, just pick the correct one. But wait, look again, there is NO CORRECT answer here. Why ? Because there is NO INCORRECT answer here either. Of course I have done the HORROR and yes the HATE duly followed and to be honest, that HATE word left my mind in recent weeks. The HATE being towards my cancer. You see, for me, HATE is a word that can and does eat away at thoughts, my thoughts and perhaps yours too. It can and generally is an all consuming word that also takes up residence in a dark place. 
Hating your illness or condition (to me) is a reasonably acceptable and understandable feeling to have. However, that doesn't mean we have to secumb to it. Most of us shake the hand of hate, it's a reasonably impulsive thing to do. What I done was park that word with it's thoughts. Do not confuse this with helping it or giving in to HATE, far from it infact. By isolating HAT…

The Poisoned Chalice but the company is good.

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The toxin flows...


Waking up this morning knowing I had a date with my dreaded new infusion of chemo was well, bitter sweet to say the least. Knowing I am going to an excellent care hospital does of course tick very important box's for me. But also been very conscious of the toxin called Chemotherapy is something that is of course very hard to be comfortable with. It is of course the dreaded side affects that puts that kink in the whole gameplay. Yes, it's being done for all the right reasons, and to be fair, chemotherapy has come on in leaps and bounds and continues to do so. On the plus side, being chauffeured in to the Bon Secours by my sister-in-law Margaret means a lot. Apart from the obvious, the drive in can be lonely. Having a good person with you for company can of course mean all the difference, and of course it does. Thank You Margaret.
Speaking of good company, while having my infusion today, I was lucky enough to bump into Brendan Fitzpatrick, a beautiful man and a …

Thursday's open letter to my tumour.

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Dear Tumour,
It is now gone two weeks since you decided that expansion might be good for you. Admititly, this came thundering down the tracks to me in the guise of perhaps the most sobering thought of my life, to date. Yes, it is my understanding that your expansion plans are not overly aggressive, but lets call a spade, a spade, you most certainly cannot (and will not) be trusted.
Even with my new lashings of (now weekly) chemotherapy, I'm actually kind of proud of my body and indeed my minds' take on what is going on right now. Things are holding up well. Today was a particularly pleasent day. The icing on the cake for me today? Two beautiful back-to-back mindfulness and relaxation class's dished out with mutual complimentary components. All expertly and indeed compassionately delivered by the Gary Kelly Cancer Support Centre. Since I plucked up the courage to walk up that very special welcoming and homely landscaped path of their home in Drogheda, I have experienced and o…