That Feeling of Freshness
Today, Fresh Air was present and it was beautiful.
I can assure you, since the b@stard cancer tumour moved in to squat in my stomach, not one single day goes by where I don't feel terrible and trodden on for at least part of the day. From cramps to constipation, dizziness to diarrhoea, shivering to sweating, crying to being cranky, I get it all. It is this that cuts away at me while trying to wear me down. Then on top, I have that dreadful mental torture of dark morbid thoughts. The hardest thing I have EVER done in my life to date, is to face up to and stare down this shear madness and learn to deal with it whilst at the same time, knocking those heavily anchored horrible situations to oblivion. I am still very much in fighting mode here, but if you who are reading this, has trodden this evil path before me and have come out the far side, I cannot begin to even fathom the shear enormity of respect I have for you. With a sincere nod to a particular military division of our neighbours across the small pond, but multiple training sessions with the S.A.S doesn't even come close to what Cancer patients face 24x7. The real and present worry of death is always there, it has to be, if it's not, I wouldn't have this clear fight in me, would I?
Today, Sunday was my 7th day off my daily chemotherapy tablets. All done by design, as my white blood cells need to be up for my impending 'Toxic Tuesday'. To assist in this, these powerful Chemo tablets are put one side. Why ? Because chemotherapy kills white blood cells, simples !!. On the flip side, it means since last Monday, my Chemo side effects have been gently getting diluted. In English, my energy levels have been in bouncing form because of this. The trick here is (I am learning), is NOT to use this newly found energy. Huh? Yes, do not use. Infact rest up even more. My body needs to stockpile this energy. Come the morning of Toxic Tuesday, my white blood cells will be screaming for energy. I need it present. No white blood cells, no Chemo.
But today was by far the best day I have had since I got ill. My mind was clear all day today. I noticed a noteable sharpness in my ability to see and think acutely and accurately. My appetite was also in top form. Because of this, a domino affect kicked in and I really felt in a good place. Infact, my gut feeling is telling me that there will be some decent positivity this coming week, whatever that is? I've no clue. For the record, I don't play the lotto so it can't be that lol. As mentioned briefly in a recent previous blog, my twice daily painkillers are also reduced and so hopefully on this coming Toxic Tuesday, my 'Pain Dr' will see fit to shave another 10mg/dose off.
Of course, in this game of Gastro Cancer, I must be ready for that possible rebound back to the badness. If it happens, it happens. It just must be dealt with and done so in such a way where I eventually KILL-KILL-KILL my unwelcome enemy.
Murf will be up for Murder.
I'll willingly plead "GUILTY Your Honor".
I'm sure my defence council will be agreeable to this fate.
Good night to you all and Thank You for dropping by.