'Engaging the Enemy'

Bons Secour Oncology Unit Staff Nurse  Jakki Cosgrove with Cancer Patient  Aidan Murphy.  We all know that saying, 'behind every cloud is a silver lining'. Well, wheather you can call my cloud that of my inoperative Gastro Cancer, or today's take on it (a cloud within a cloud) where my bloods today were too low for my regular infusion of Chemotherapy, which is now deferred to next (toxic) Tuesday, a BIG silver lining to me at present is my medical team in the Glasnevin suburban based  Bons Secour Private Hospital. I have previously shared here on my blog, a selphie with my Oncologist Dr. Oscar Breathnach and Nursing Assisant Myra .  So today, I decided it was time to formally introduce you to another of my brilliant Oncology team.  I must admit, it did require some persuasion to get this person to come in front of the lens for me this morning. This (Dunshaughlin based) lady is a legend in my books. Wheather it was years ago, when we both volunteered on the...

  Today, Fresh Air was present and it was beautifu l.  I can assure you, since the b@stard cancer tumour moved in to squat in my stomach, not one single day goes by where I don't feel terrible and trodden on for at least part of the day. From cramps to constipation, dizziness to diarrhoea, shivering to sweating, crying to being cranky, I get it all. It is this that cuts away at me while trying to wear me down. Then on top, I have that dreadful mental torture of dark morbid thoughts. The hardest thing I have EVER done in my life to date, is to face up to and stare down this shear madness and learn to deal with it whilst at the same time, knocking those heavily anchored horrible situations to oblivion. I am still very much in fighting mode here, but if you who are reading this, has trodden this evil path before me and have come out the far side, I cannot begin to even fathom the shear enormity of respect I have for you. With a sincere nod to a particular military division of ou...

  noun a healing technique based on the principle that the therapist can channel energy into the patient by means of touch, to activate the natural healing processes of the patient's body and restore physical and emotional well-being. ------------------------------------------------------------ I'm sure (just like me), you have ever heard of 'Reiki', pronounced  Raykey and perhaps like me, you were / are not sure exactly what it was or indeed what Reiki  is, hence my opening lines which I borrowed from the dictionary.  It was a friend of mine who mentioned Reiki to me some weeks ago, they are a frequent recepient/benefactor (??) of this treatment. Do pardon my ignorance on this if I'm using the incorrect terminology here, but I promise I'm a quick learner. I mulled over going for this treatment for some weeks now. I'm one of these people who measure twice and cut once. The more I considered going for a session, the more my mind was warming towards it. A big...

  Our mind is the closest and most powerful thing to us,  but how well do we really know it ? I've noticed over the past few weeks, my mind has not being led astray. What am I referring to? I'm thinking of the night's where I would have a sinking low feeling, where I am overwhelmed from being ill. Where I would be worrying about leaving my two ladies all alone. I just hope I'm not jinxing it here, but maybe I've cried away all my tears ? To be fair, I don't think for one second that these demons can't come back. Of course they can. I'm just in bed here (8pm) thanking my lucky stars I'm not here fretting with the tears rolling down my cheek.  The mind is an extremely important and complex machine. I've mentioned that here before. I can assure you that I am no expert but I can equally guarantee you that both you and me are the closest and most connected entity to our respectful physiological worlds. For me, the complexity of the grey matter drew a ...

  Two licensed radio hams in the same club.  Aidan Murphy (EI5HW) and Tony Allen (EI4DIB).  As I grew up, particularly in my 20's, I found I garnered a natural technical aptitude.  Show or explain to me a technical theory or process just once and I would have fully grasped it. Ironically, I'm looking at Aoife right now and she's a real mini-me, god help us.. lol.  When the internet eventually arrived here in Ireland (albeit on slow dialup), I taught myself how it worked and I experimented with building my own websites, just for fun. That's when I registered the domain name   aidanmurphy.com   way back in 1999, that's 18 years ago. Little did I know back then when I parked it up, that I would be taking it out of hibernation 1 year before my 50th birthday and for a mission I never in my wildest dreams envisaged.  Winding back some years before that, I showed an interest in technical radio communications, or Ham (Amateur) Radio to be exact. This is w...

  I wouldn't be human if this didn't begin to drive me insane. Without running to the calculator for an accurate check, between slow release painkillers, chemo-tablets, laxitives, anti-reflux tablets, anti-sickness tablets, not to mention my self inflicted daily injections, I hit a medical checkpoint approx every 3.5 hours during the day. Now 22 weeks into this battle, it's beginning to play on my mind.  Yes, it's all being done because it has to, so don't think I'm simply having a moan here. The 'having to' is a given. You see, it's the hidden things that this whole chronological operation brings from the back of my mind to the fore. You have all heard the saying, a good chef is only as good as their last dish. Well for me, this morphs into a "I'm still as sick as I was 3.5 hours ago". With the strongest even most gutsy will-power available, this is one tough pill to swallow (that's my first pun in a while so I'll leave it in h...

  My previous blog was heavly weighted towards those dark thoughts, the negative forces, my monsters. It was important I wrote about them though, why? Because they are a part of my reality and it's important on that fact alone that they are recognised but only done so in the manner of what they are, a 1st cousin to my pet scorpion aka my cancer.  Overlooking this whole new dimension in my life, excluding my legend of a wife, Alison, daughter Aoife, inlaws and friends,  is a small but crack unit. I can count them on one hand. I'm not going to embarrass them by naming them here but they are a certain group of individuals, two based here in Ireland and one in the USA and when I call them my Guardian Angels, I use that term with the deepest meaning and highest respect I could ever afford to it.   My Guardian Angels flank me on a non-stop basis. You can have a giggle at this and perhaps even suggest that my Chemotherapy sinister side effects are gone on overdrive but when...

  The last few days has seen my spirits race  up and rocket down. One moment I'm good, next second I'm way down. A fast rollercoaster wouldn't even come close. At the lowest, I feel  I'm going to crack, but just before I do, I get lifted again.  It's as if my Bastard Cancer is playing with my mind and body, in a teasing kind of way. It has an extremely confusing affect on inner thoughts.  My feelings are in tune with this, so the done thing for me would be to try and counter balance the affect.  But, the speed of this rollercoaster is pure vicious. My mind is racing to keep tabs on my feelings. If this tumour I have has a sense of humour, it's pure sick.  The dark feelings that come try and convince me that my fight may be just a pure waste. The feeling of the glass half empty springs to mind. What follows then is the uptimate shock and awe. Leaving two hero's behind. Two of the nicest, kindest, warmest people on this planet. The whole horror of how Al...

  Shauntelle Tynan Suffering an extremely rare form of cancer.  Lots of tears here as I'm putting this particular piece together. As you read this current blog of mine, I want you to forget totally about my ongoing battle with my own Cancer. Blank it out of your mind.  Park it over there please.  Something a lot more urgent has just crossed my door.  This blog is a special one folks. Shauntelle Tynan needs help, your help, my help, our help.  Shan is an 18yr old Carlow (Irish) girl fighting a rare form of multi system Histiocytosis X (LCH), which is an autoimmune/ rare cancer disease.  She was diagnosed in may 2015 and has went through 5 failed treatment protocols. She has had treatment between Ireland and Texas and instead of improving, more systems have become involved.  Jesus this kid doesn't deserve THIS in her young life. Shan is still a kid for goodness sake (Shan, that's a compliment from me by the way). From what I can see here, is th...

  “Golden bridge, diamond bridge or silver bridge,  it doesn’t matter!  As long as the bridge takes you across the other side, it is a good bridge!”  I'm scribing this at 1:30am on Monday morning.  I've just woke up after sleeping solid from 5pm Sunday evening. I had already slept most of Saturday (in bed) so I figured I was good to go for Sunday as plans were afoot, very pleasent plans to be exact. But it wasn't to be and they went a bit askew... The Murf's were invited out by our Aunt for a  beautiful Sunday dinner. I know this because I was thoroughly enjoying it and the company, (along with a sneaky beer) yesterday afternoon in the popular Navan based Zuccini's Resteraunt. Then that feeling came again, the one where I don't feel a tiredness come along. Why give a warning? It's a complete and utter exhaustion that arrives instead and it's in your face, well my face !!  It's a bitch as it gives no warning and as it's a full on (exhaustive) thin...