Dream Big little girl.
This post content has been lingering in my mind, over the last 10 days or so. Probably from either hearing or seeing the first wave of Christmas TV/Radio advertisements. You know, that background atmosphere that plants that subluminal seed of the current impending festive season in your heart and of course your mind too.
I want this Christmas to be a beginning, a new look at life and by that I mean, look at what nearly happened to our little family, and how we escaped. My world from then/now on will always be viewed and of course appreciated differently and so it should.
But I've being having this thought.
And this thought can be a haunting one, so I'm facing up to it and addressing it right now.
I'm going put my hand up straight away and admit I'm going to get emotional writing this.
But I want to do this, I need to do this and now, not later or nearer Christmas week.
Yes I have a Gastro tumor, yes I am on a definite course of treatment, where the intention is to reduce it and hibernate it. Regarding the fighting part, you all know where I am on this, where being relentless with this enemy cannot be overstated enough.
But regardless how positive one is, how cock sure one can be, it's only natural for that dreaded 'what if' dark thought to run accross ones radar. What flashed up in my radar return is of course Alison and Aoife.
Although I am fighting like f¥ck, I don't want this Christmas to be an end game.
Within seconds after being left alone, when I initially was told the news of my gastro tumor,
(and of course once you hear the Cancer word your mind automatically thinks the worst case scenario),
I bust out crying, the words I wailed: "I'll never get to walk Aoife down the isle"
I know I frightened myself by coming out with that stark statement.
My subconscious mind torpedoing those words into my mouth. I got even more upset !!
I'm not being biased here, as it's constantly been said to myself and Alison, but Aoife holds such the perfect manners, the most admirable sharing and indeed caring attitude, a most friendly persona and (as we are told by her teachers), blessed with intelligence but without arrogance and is so well beyond her age profile. These latter descriptions are what myself and Alison are told, I'm just repeating them here and yes of course, damn proud to do so. And YES, Alison and I have and still do teach Aoife things that are important to us at home, call them life skills if you like and where (with respect) school will never encroach on, albeit not in the meaningful way we will.
Re my illness, this 9 year old fun loving kid does not deserve this, no more of course than Alison (my rock and a saint and saviour to me). Alison always puts everyone before herself, every single time. For my part, I want and need to be the best husband, friend and indeed mutual minder and carer in years to come.
Oh, and Yes!, walk the apple of my eye down the isle too.
If Aoife keeps up with her current school reports, she'll have that perfect foundation to pick whatever she wants to do in life and nail it. Just the other evening, Aoife asked would I let her download a new app. It was arty/singing based. After the nod from Daddy, said daughter dearest then disappears for five minutes and comes back with something.
(Click the above link to view Aoife's self made 15sec piece).
Don't misunderstand me. I'm totally focussed on whacking the living shite out of this.
But it would be remiss of me not to have what I call the human to human approach.
I'm gung ho alright but this gun slinger just wants you to know It's not all cowboys and Indians.
It's my dream, in a few years time, I'll drive the balloon retrieve (chase) while Capt. Aoife treats another wheelchair user to another Hot Air Balloon Flight.
And you know what tends to happen to things Murf dreams of...
Thanks so much for reading my blog.
Dedicating this post to the finest two A & A's in my life.
I won the lotto twice not once.
(Dream Big Aoife, xx Daddy).