Mind over Matter, and it's the Weekend !

 


This week was a mixed one to be honest.
It was a week where things probably caught up with each other. 
Like my mind catching up with my body or my body catching up with my mind.
One is busy chasing the other at present and I'm not quiet sure who's turn it is now to be honest !  

It's from going super healthy to having Gastro Cancer in the click of a finger. 
It's from my mind been able to think in one flavour to totally having to recalibrate, launch again
and find it's feet on a whole different plain. Yes, there's a lot going on upstairs at present. 
I just have to slow things down in the grey matter cog wheel department, but that's easier said than done, for my mind anyway. 
You see, I don't turn off. My friends will tell you there's always something going on 'upstairs' with me. 
Alison will testify that I do talk to myself, but I always did that. Do they call that the first sign of madness ?

So when my mind landscape changes as it is currently, I'm getting a bloody big shock. 
As my oncology team told me, it's important for me to see this and then understand it and 
to be fair, they are the first people to explain all this to me, and do so with such compassion and care. 

Just last night, I settled down with Alison and Aoife to watch TV. 
My stomach was having none of it. 
The tablets I'm taking do have strong side affects, flipping my stomach is their favourite. 
So by 10pm last night, I swapped the letters TV for WC, and can assure you right now my stomach has zero contents in it. Thankfully, the gastro storm in my gut appears to have come and gone. 

Not all nights, but most of this week saw me breaking down in tears again as I got ready for bed. 
Of course that got me more upset, the fact that I just got upset. 
Am I making sense with this ? 
These are all new feelings I'm getting and guess what? They never came with an instruction book. 
They couldn't, because the book would be different for everybody and I totally get that. 

Last night I cried out "You b#astard, I want my f¥cking life back" 
I had it said before I knew it. I think I actually shocked myself when I said it. 
But then when things calmed down, Alison's magic touch taking hold, I could then identify with the 
aggression I used. I'm fighting the enemy here and it will be addressed and treated so !!

I'm a firm believer that my mind is learning a lot of new things right now. 
You know what ? It has to learn. It needs to readjust, rebalance, recalibrate. 
I'm totally open to this, and being this way has to make it easier for me. 

I find writing about it here as I'm doing right now, very therapeutic with over 15,000 people reading it !!
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought I would be writing that latter statement.

To end on a positive, I had a nice long comfortable sleep last night. 

 

So the coast is clear for the weekend, or is it ? 😀

This will be the first weekend since I got sick that I actually have plans made. 
I should really rephrase that, good friends have plans made for me. 

Later today, I'm being taken out for an evening beer and a bite to eat. 
It will be early to bed too as tomorrow morning, weather permitting, I'm being treated by another good friend to a flight in his helicopter, the same model I got qualifed to fly nearly 10 years ago. 
And as is allowed with rotary craft, I'm been picked up at home. 🚁🚁
The mission: Fly to a friends airfield and I'll take advantage of this method of transport and utilise it for a special parcel delivery, proper airmail if you like. 


Thanks as always for catching up with me and reading my blog.  
 

Comments

  1. Thanks for reading it Cathie. Much appreciated.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Captain Murf, you rock.. Positive vibes from Italy.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Aidan I find your words specially comforting when I wake worrying in the middle of the night. It's like having a great ship sailing nearby making the vast ocean less dark and lonely. Paul j

    ReplyDelete

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