B is for Bully, C is for Cancer
Tell me, were you ever bullied ? Well, muggins here was..
It was a secondary school thing. I was average height, for the record, my 6ft 4 vertical spurt happened after I finished school. I subsequently developed a stammer because of this bullying which ironically made the bullying worse, hello and welcome to 'Murphy's Law'.
Being a bully, in my view, is the most indecent, dispicable and cowardly act any human being can carry out on another. If I can glance at a small smidgin of light out of this, being on the receiving end I think toughened me up for the rocky road that followed. You see, bullying isn't just confined to school, It can pop it's ugly head up anywhere. Within the workplace, by a service provider, a so called friend and dare I say it, even by an (indigenous) family member or members.
Let me slide sideways now and bring you along in my company last Thursday evening.
The Murphy Clan were invited over to eat with good friends, AKA Team Colgan. Myself and Barry are friends for 45 years now. I was even the catalyst that hooked Barry and his beloved wife Helen up, a lovely story in its own right. I subsequently and proudly accepted the honor of being godfather for this beautiful couples first born, Leah.
Just as I was smacking my lips after a lovely tea served up by Barry, over in Castle Colgan, (Helen had just departed to work) and then..... BANG!!. I get that instant and undeniable jolt of exhaustion, yes, it just skips the tiredness part. Unfortunately, because of this snap moment in time, we had to cut our visit very short. My mind was screaming that I needed bed right now, my stomach was yelling back, "forget the bed, lets get sick first". At this moment in time, I felt so sorry for Aoife. One minute she is having a super time, laughing, giggling and playing with Leah and Scott, seconds later she's in the car and we are heading home. I'm not well at all on the drive home. I feel every bump, twist and turn on the road whilst at the same time grasping for cold air out the window. I'm also frightfully conscious that Aoife is in the back and is quietly (very quietly) absorbing all this in. I'm thinking to myself, this 9yr old kid doesn't need to be in the middle and bearing witness to this.
As we arrive home, Aoife runs straight up the stairs to her room. Minutes later and I lightly knock on her bedroom door. Aoife's head is buried in her sinky soft pink pillow. This little trooper was crying. She knows her Daddy is sick, and I know that she knows her Daddy is so focussed in fighting this very hard. I hesitantly but instantly travel back in time, to my years of being bullied. I'm thinking here, "Cancer you cowardly b@astard, you're in me but here you are trying to bully my princess". I've now got light tears busting to escape from my eyes. I'm so annoyed with my enemy. As ridiculous as this may seam, I just wanted to contact my medical team in the Bons Secour and tell them to "double the dose, this evil f¥cker has crossed the line". I will gladly accept double the side affects, but this toxic tumour of mine has just upped the anti.
Minutes later and I literally collapse into bed. Alison runs to my rescue (again) and before I know it, a piping hot water bottle ensues and is pushed under the duvet. I sink into a deep sleep within minutes.
Tick-Tock on the clock and I wake up at 1:30am, bright eyed and feeling relaxed but alert (if that even makes sense in my messed up chemotozed world). Only one thing for it at that snooze-o'clock time of night, so I tackle into writing some of my blog. I have no issue with this wakey-wakey eposide, I'm just so relieved that the earlier sikening exhaustive feeling has gone. With my boxes ticked on my blog, I go online to my server in California and registered a new domain name for myself. Still not tired so I then went ahead and configured an IMAP mailbox for my latest email address for this domain: 'me@AidanAir.com'. As you can see, when Aidan gets bored, literally anything is possible.
So looking back on this particular blog, I can see where I associate my illness with my yesteryear dark experiences. Yes, this can and infact does galvanise my resolve in killing this toxic f¥cker !!. It does indeed toughen me up, that's the light I take from this. This tumor is not getting away with bullying me or my family. That line is drawn in the sand.
As I said earlier, if it were indeed possible, I would be ramping up the poison, giving this thing a double dose of its own medicine. I'll take the knock on's.
B is for Bully.
C is for Cancer.
Let me now introduce you to:
D is for DESTROY (my cancer).
Many thanks for reading my blog.
It's fast approaching 80,000 page views (Eeek!!)
But just before I go, let me share with you below what may be helpful to some right now.
Bullying affecting or involving kids:
Please CLICK HERE for helpful information.
Please CLICK HERE for helpful information.
(The contact/referral detail found here, assumes you are living in Ireland).
Very Best !!