A wobble in the force..
If I can say so myself, these last 3-4 weeks have been pretty good to both my body and indeed mind.
But yesterday and today, the cracks came in the carefully plastered wall. Yes, the wall is made of solid brick, that I can personally vouch for. But I can equally vouch for the plasterwork. A crack here, a crack there and then this evening, I think some of the plaster fell off.
It's NOT normal for me to be sick (with any illness).
It's NOT normal for this illness to be with me non-stop for over the 6 months now.
It's NOT normal for me to out from employment on sick leave.
It's NOT normal for me to be constantly tired and then get flattened further with an instant and total 'attack' of exhaustion.
It's NOT normal for me to having to be reminded to take 15 tablets a day at various times.
It's NOT normal for me to remind myself every morning then go and stab myself in the stomach or upper leg with a sharp syringe.
It's NOT normal for me having to race back to my bedroom for 4pm every day to try and beat the tiredness.
It's NOT normal for me to be worrying non-stop about my legend of a wife Alison and doting daughter Aoife.
It's NOT normal for me to be thinking non-stop on what happens next?
It's NOT normal for me to be drinking a disgusting laxative every day.
It's NOT normal for me to have written 'It's NOT normal over 10 times on a Thursday night.
Today, as I drove back from Trim, it just hit me. How unlucky I have been last September. Getting on and working hard for PayPal but reaping the just rewards for it. Then, BANG, I collapse, get misdiagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer into the bargain and dispatched home from a public hospital (with the uncorrected diagnosis) that the ambulance dropped me off at 7 days earlier.
The whole emotive thing with me, that was dormant up until very recently, just snapped an elastic band in my head tonight.
All these pent up mindful scenarios ran out in the cold just a few hours ago. Thank you everyone who came to my rescue and put the heat on tonight, It was actually much needed.
Tomorrow will be a better day. I'm sure the sun might come out to play ?