The Poisoned Chalice but the company is good.
The toxin flows...
Waking up this morning knowing I had a date with my dreaded new infusion of chemo was well, bitter sweet to say the least. Knowing I am going to an excellent care hospital does of course tick very important box's for me. But also been very conscious of the toxin called Chemotherapy is something that is of course very hard to be comfortable with. It is of course the dreaded side affects that puts that kink in the whole gameplay. Yes, it's being done for all the right reasons, and to be fair, chemotherapy has come on in leaps and bounds and continues to do so. On the plus side, being chauffeured in to the Bon Secours by my sister-in-law Margaret means a lot. Apart from the obvious, the drive in can be lonely. Having a good person with you for company can of course mean all the difference, and of course it does. Thank You Margaret.
Speaking of good company, while having my infusion today, I was lucky enough to bump into Brendan Fitzpatrick, a beautiful man and a very approachable individual. At work, Brendan is the Chief Scientist in the Bon Secours hospital, at play, a follower of my story and journey. Staying with the magic medical staff, my friend Jakki was of course on hand today. Finding a decent vein in my body is becoming ever increasingly more difficult, but not today. Jakki was on it and then 2 miniutes later, IN it. There is a god !. Of course, my Toxic Tuesday would not be the same without my buddy and health care professional Myra being on hand. Did I just say on hand? At my complete service is what I meant. Not just mine, but for every patient in the same unit. I said it before here, every Oncology Team needs a Myra. The Bon Secours has their's.
With the side affects on this new chemo regime not appearing to be as aggressive as my previous toxic engagements, I just hope and prey that it still has the necessary sting in it's tale it wipe my bastard tumour off the face of this planet. All things been equal, it will be probably be after another 4-5 infusions before my next CT Scan will happen. I could tell YOU right now, that I am dreading that result when it does come about. But you know what, I'm not. Please do not take this the wrong way. This is not some new wave of arrogance I just picked up. Quiet the contrary. My own understanding of it is connected with my acceptence of what's going on right now. You see, when you ACCEPT the NOW, it ticks quiet a lot of boxes. It puts your complete mindset in the HERE and and now, AKA, THE PRESENT. My morph on this is, that I cannnot (and neither can you sweet-cheeks) do business in the past, or indeed the future for that matter. But the here and now? I can certainly do business with that. I CAN, I WILL, and of course, I do. Thinking in the present is actually not easy. Our minds tend to latch on to the past as that is where memory is recalled from and it's burnt into our brain, as it was at that time, happening in what I call actuality at that chronological moment. It is so easy to go there, and we all do. Well, perhaps you do, I don't anymore. But you must work at training your mind in switching out. It is by no means rocket science but does take some effort and a commitment from your deep self to make it happen. Blanking out the FUTURE, I am now finding it easier to accomplish. It simply just has NOT happened yet. Ticking these magic box's are there for the taking, I urge you to give it a go, you have ZERO TO LOSE.
Straight to bed this afternoon the moment I got in the door. A sleep of 2 hours or so was so needed and taken. Being fine tuned into my own body (It comes to most, if not all people fighting cancer) means I generally become acutely aware of what my toxicated body wants or needs. My own golden rule is to LISTEN to it and of course, act on it. It pays big dividends, every time. Be part of that payback for your body and mind. It works, there is a Mega-Team thing going on here, don't be left out.
The clock has now just ticked past the witching hour. My steroids are telling me to stay awake, my body wants to agree, but my mind is telling me that it has just plugged into my gut feeling and sleep is being mooted. As I said, LISTEN TO WHATS GOING ON. Your own body and soul will very rarely (if ever) put you wrong. So with that, this chemo-infused MURF is going horizontal and as such, I bid you all good night as this tired bunny is going ZZZzzzz.
Tomorrow I plough on.
Just before I go, my health permitting, and if you are within easy travelling distance of where I live,
I would like you to save a date if you can and please come along on the evening to a talk I am going to give.
Sincere thanks to the management of Dunshaughlin Pastoral Centre
for their assistance with this event.
(Click email address to say hello, securely).
Thank you so much for reading my blog...