My Cancer: Horror, Hate or Help ?
The 3 H's is what I have christened these. The title you have just read is set like multiple-choice answers, just pick the correct one. But wait, look again, there is NO CORRECT answer here. Why ? Because there is NO INCORRECT answer here either.
Of course I have done the HORROR and yes the HATE duly followed and to be honest, that HATE word left my mind in recent weeks. The HATE being towards my cancer. You see, for me, HATE is a word that can and does eat away at thoughts, my thoughts and perhaps yours too. It can and generally is an all consuming word that also takes up residence in a dark place.
Hating your illness or condition (to me) is a reasonably acceptable and understandable feeling to have. However, that doesn't mean we have to secumb to it. Most of us shake the hand of hate, it's a reasonably impulsive thing to do. What I done was park that word with it's thoughts. Do not confuse this with helping it or giving in to HATE, far from it infact. By isolating HATE I free big parts of my own mind up. I free it from aggressive thoughts and by doing that I am making way for new brighter things to say hello to my mind. Things like how I am feeling right now on this exact moment, things like taking in 3-4 pleasant breaths of fresh air and as I BREATH OUT, I expel negative thoughts with it. Sounds simple ? It is of course, maybe try it for yourself. If you can at all remove HATE from your illness, which I know reads like a very simple thing to do. Banish that HATE and you are already winning.
"If it were easy, everybody would do it" is a saying many of my friends will hear me say. But that's the thing, it might not be easy. It took me days and days to get it figured out in my grey matter, then one day recently I found that HATE tap in my mind and I twisted it off, good and tight. Mind you, I do check it for leaks.
I'm always convinced that in this life we live, everything happens for a reason, or to twist that slightly, most significant things in our life are mapped out for us.
All conjecture and all my own opinion of course, but I am convinced that what is thrown at us in life is really thrown for us. It is not being done for any kind of punishment, not so much a bad luck thing either but more of a 'how we deal with it'. I'll even attempt to go one step further and suggest, that apart from dealing with my own serious health issues (for myself), am I able to streatch around the corner, look at a bigger picture, then go public with it and by doing so perhaps feedback to all out there what is happening to me ? But much more importantly, how I am dealing with it. It would not be rocket science to figure out that what works for me, might, just might work for you, if indeed the 'YOU' is in a similar position to the ME.
The inner me is wanting me to say to all: "Hi Ya, I'm Murf from Dunshaughlin. I have Inoperable Gastro Cancer. I have a way of dealing with this. It is working for me, it may just work for you, lets talk'. If even half of what works for me means something to you, then please take it. Conversely, what can you teach me ? I'm open to it, as you well know.
I got this idea from a recent dream I had. It concerns a friend of mine, who by day is a busy lawyer but by weekend is a competent hill/mountain walker. In the dream, there is a new peak to climb, one accomplished by very few. Serious plotting and planning goes into this and Murf's Lawyer nails it. After doing so, he puts in that extra effort by mapping/charting it for all like minded individuals and goes on to share this unique information with all concerned. When I woke up, I could see myself, not as a hillwaker but instead, cancer walker. I can share back useful information, it will tick boxes, but more importantly, it shines a light on a favourable path and process to climb that new awkward obstacle and come home safely.
We are all on this journey together, so lets start sharing the climbing...